Practice your invisibility skills or you can't go out to play.

She's done it again.


........

If you work nights on the weekends, then yeah! It's still Friday!

1. My car _is adequate____.

2. ___Who knows what____ is coming up next.

3. Lately, things seem ____juicy_______.

4. __The bathroom at the public library______ is one of my favorite 'hiding' places. (If by 'hide' you mean 'poop'.)

5. What happened __to the kid who played 'Ben' on Growing Pains____?

6. ____Happiness_______ is not impossible!

Wanty Sick

I want a blankey.
I want some soup.
I want the TV on, with a remote in my hand, and I don't want to get up to change it when the program is over.
I want lots and lots of Nyquil.
I want someone to take Tuffy out, then I want her to come 'nuggle me.
I want some ginger ale.
I want a grandma bed, with sheets on the couch.

And, my toe hurts.

Lasagna Rustica

When I’m sad, I cook.  When I am weeping with wanting, I cook.  When I’m annoyed or distressed, I cook.

When I’m bored, I usually take a nap. But after that…Oh boy!

Please excuse the lighting of these photos. My kitchen is the size of a broom closet.

Yes, that is cottage cheese. Don’t judge, purists. I used to use Ricotta, but have seen the light!

Go on, call your mamma.

Once it’s cool I cut it into individual pieces.

Then, I wrap them in foil and label them. That way the family can eat something decent when I’m not around.

This is a frozen bag of my famous Mole sauce. It’s going in the crock pot with a bunch of chicken legs early next week.

Look at my weird little thumb.

Two Theives

“Did you bring the maps?” Mike said, greeting his accomplice as he came through the steel door.

“Yeah, and I got some donuts from that kosher place you like.” Jack replied, securing the locks behind him.

“Excellent” Mike said. “Let’s get down to business.”

The two crooks slid their chairs along the concrete floor around a plastic card table. Jack laid the blue prints on the table and spread them out. A semi-trailer on route 79 rumbled past the storage space where the crooks held their clandestine meeting, shaking the corrugated roof. A single dusty light bulb hung between them as they crouched over the blueprints. The crooks, the meager furniture, and the stinking thrill of the caper were the only things in the space.

“So, the armored truck gets to the bank between 1330 and 1345 each Tuesday. You be at the bank no later than 1325, do your transaction, then slip into the bathroom which is located here.” Mike said, poking a greasy finger to the map.

“What’s 1330 again?” Jack asked.

“That’s one-thirty, genius. Pay attention!” Mike replied. “Get into your guard uniform and wait for my signal from the bathroom. Don’t ask anyone questions. Don’t talk to anyone. Don’t stick out. Got it?”

“Yeah, I got it.” Jack said with a sigh. “We went over this last time. I was going to ask…what happened to you last week?”

“A belt went out in my car.” Mike said. “By the time the tow truck showed up the bank was closed. My mechanic charged me extra for an after hours appointment.”

“Appointment!” Jack said, smacking his forehead. “I just remembered that I have to take Billy to the orthodontist next Tuesday.”

“Just reschedule” Mike offered.

“Can’t.” Jack said. “We’ve already switched the appointment twice. Poor kid’s going to have teeth growing out his asshole if we don’t get him in.”

“Well, the week after that doesn’t work for me.” Mike said. “I have a tux fitting for Smitty’s wedding.”

“What about the week after that?” Jack asked as he reached in his breast pocket for his planner.

“Smitty’s wedding.” Mike replied, consulting his Blackberry.

“What about the fifteenth?”

“I have to work.”

“The twenty-second?”

“Federal holiday. The bank will be closed.”

“The twenty-ninth?” Mike asked, his frustration growing.

“I don’t see a problem …” Jack began. “Wait! It’s our anniversary. Sheila and I are going to be on the East coast for two weeks.”

“Shit! That puts us into June.” Mike cried. “I have a huge project coming up.”

“Maybe I could get my sister to take Billy to the orthodontist.” Jack offered. “But Sheila would get suspicious. Probably not a good idea.”

“Son of a bitch!” Mike exclaimed. “Look, if we don’t rob this bank sometime this month the whole thing is going to have to be pushed back till fall! Honestly, I’m beginning to question your commitment to this heist!”

“Don’t get pissy.” Jack said with a sneer. “I have responsibilities. Besides, if we rush into this thing we’ll fuck it up.”

“I know…I know.” Mike said, running his fingers through his hair. Silence filled the room as the two men considered their options.

“What if we switched the mark?” Jack suggested. “You know, hit a different bank on a different day?”

“What if I found myself a new accomplice?” Mike countered. “Or, I could just quit being the mayor and have nothing but free time to rob banks any old time I want.”

“Don’t say that.” Jack cried. “You’re a great mayor. This town would suck with out you.”